April 16, 2017
This morning I awoke by the choir of Easter Sunday.
I feel so Inspired here. I feel so 'into it.'
The lushness, the humidity, the Ocean... The freshness, the Love.
This morning I was literally brought to tears by the taste of the cardamom in the Ayurvedic rice ada... Magnificently delicious. I realized how MUCH I love cardamom. The sprouts in the fruit salad with the freshly grated coconut. Like OMG.It really tantalizes and awakens the senses.
The difference between here in Kerala, India and where I live in the capital of Canada is that here the senses are cultivated and there my senses are disregarded: the noise, the fluorescent lights, the grey, the rush.
Here, the lighting is soft and luminous, the air sweet with some mysterious flower I have not yet identified; temples are scattered all around so people can gather and pray and give Thanks.
I've been reading up on Ayurveda and this morning I decided to put a few of the recommendations for my constitution into practice. So, I woke up early (which was easy because the Easter choir woke me up anyways) and did some writing out on the lanai, spoke to a lovely attendant here at the Ayurvedic resort who had already brought me four fresh mangoes from his walkabout, and then rolled out my Yoga mat on said Lanai.
After not too many Sun Salutations I was sweating a most glorious perspiration and my very tight body, especially legs, began to slowly loosen up. 5 sun salute A and 5 sun salute B and a few poses before breakfast- not a full practice by Ashtanga standards, but just what my Body/Mind/Spirit needed. I walked down the path among the lush greenery to breakfast and when I walked in I felt completely Luminous, my energy the forefront of my being. When I spoke to the restaurant manager, I felt like I was speaking to him from a place of God. I sat down for breakfast and it suddenly became more clear to me than ever that Yoga is clearing out the stuff, the karma, the egoism sludge, and making room for God to come through. And God comes through in a single practice, in a few poses. It is not something out there and one day... It is Now. Now the Practice of Yoga. Yoga the Practice of Now. And somehow, suddenly, it really landed, really hit home that this practice is Union, is clearing the junk, the mental and physical tightness and tension and by clearing this, Love and Presence and Being pour in. God, Presence, Spirit is here for us in the Here and Now.
Writing may be the way to get me through this journey. Ashley is going to India. That’s an Amazing thing!! India Volume 2 is happening in two days. I feel this feeling of aloneness. I feel a feeling of going out on my own… And yet I feel a feeling of okayness somehow in there… I feel a little like pack-man, like I am going to collect these golden coins, which I don't know what they are… And I am going on what my astrologer being said about having this multi-dimensional experience and relationships are healing and that this is my time to go within… And the surf bit, which I always feel a part of and am now about to embody. And all the potential. The Unknown takes my breath away sometime and I have to remember to breathe. As my healer said “You made your bed, now you lie in it.” Well, true, and a little harsh I’d say. I don't even know what I want out of this trip except… I do need some time for myself and I feel a little stuck in this glorious house… Two or 3 weeks will be just what I need to let go and Let God.
I also cant help but feel that there is something more for me out there. It is not a feeling that the grass is greener whatsoever, as I feel that I live in very green pastures, like big time. That is part of what is so scary! It is more like the going out on my own, into the unknown that freaks me out and makes me ask: wait, why are you leaving your pasture? You have it so good here, so easy… But I am overstaying my welcome or outgrowing my surroundings, not in an arrogant way but in a way that I feel that there is something more.. That is another part of the fear: but what if there isn't anything more and this is all just a big failure and you get hurt or sad or whatever it is. But I think of my first time in India two years ago and it was all the pain that made the difference, made the growth, made it so freaking worth it. And the shedding of my old self. And the coming into my new self.
Oh an on another note: I think I want kids.